Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage is about family.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
This post originally appeared on ForwardWalking.com, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life.
Every girl dreams to look her most beautiful on her wedding day, that is why i’m so ecstatic to have been able to book Albert Kurniawan to do my makeup for me on my big day! Albert is the chief makeup artist of Nars Philippines and also a good friend of a friend. Last week I had a trial makeup with him and I have to say I’m absolutely impressed and excited to get dolled up by him. He made me feel sooooo confident with his beautiful makeup skills.
I asked for a messy bun with side swept bangs and smokey eyes for the ceremony and REALLY smokey eyes for the reception. I felt soo glamorous! I can’t wait for the big day! I know I will be so confident :)
I originally wanted to update every single wedding preparation I did but honestly I’m just really bad at my blogging duties here and to be honest I’ve actually become really lazy and nonchalant about the whole process. I know I’d probably regret not treasuring every moment of this but at this point I just really want the wedding day to come so Andrew and I could be married and get on with our lives. haha
But I’ll post a few pictures in case my instagram ever gets deleted ( knocks on wood)
1. Focusing my beauty regimen on my hair, skin and nails 2.Fabric shopping!
3. Food tasting at Summer Palace was decadent. Everything was so yums! 4. Green Machine for lunch.
5. I love meeting with my coordinator Elisa, she’s the best! 6. Been focused on my workouts!!
7. Trying to find the perfect shade of ivory for our invites. 8.Found my wedding Choos
9. Beet and Celery juice for lunch 10. Applied for our marriage license. Such a taxing process.
It’s been a while since I did a restaurant “review” so it’s a good thing that I bought my camera when Andrew and I stumbled upon The Clubhouse in Robinson’s Magnolia. We both love breakfast food for dinner and the restaurant had a whole menu dedicated to breakfast/ brunch food.
We shared the jalapeno poppers with marinara sauce which isn’t exactly breakfast food but I couldn’t resist it!! A huge slice of jalapeno stuffed with cream cheese covered in batter and deep fried. Not exactly diet friendly but omg yum!!
The Creamy Tomato Soup was also pretty good. Served piping hot which in my opinion makes any soup tastes superb!
The Ultimate Breakfast. Andrew though it was only mediocre way too greasy. Also the croissant wasn’t fresh.
Sunrise Burger. I was craving burgers and was pretty pleased to see this on the menu. Juicy burger with this garlic aioli sauce topped with an fried egg. Delicious but was pretty peeved that it wasn’t warm. Which was annoying because upon ordering they informed us that it would take 20 minutes to cook. UGH. It really irks me when i’m served lukewarm food.
Overall the experience at The Clubhouse was pretty disappointing. The menu is promising but they need to cook the food better? I don’t know but I wont be going back anytime soon!!
One of the main reason Andrew, my mom and I went to Hong Kong was to buy stuff for my dowry- which is basically stuff that my parents buy me before I get married and therefore can never ask the for anything else haha. It’s an old fashioned tradition thats still practiced by Filipino-Chinese ( Thank God for me!) It’s definitely one of the perks of getting married- aside from being with Andrew for the rest of my life if course! hahah Anyways, here are the pictures!!! Still so giddy looking at them :D
Prada Saffiano Bag
Saint Laurent Duffel
Thank you Ma & Pa for being so generous!!!
This is sucha a delayed post and to be honest I’ve been kinda hesitant to post these Hong Kong pictures because there’s not much new to them. I frequent the same restaurants every time i’m in Hong Kong and this trip wasn’t any different!! But i figured i’d still post them so I can look back and salivate over them!!! hehe
1. Iced Coffee and Tiramisu at COVA. 2. Sticky Toffee Pudding
3. pretty interiors at Caffe Habitu 4. Huge Robot guarding Times Square
5. Beef Hofan at Ho Hung Kee 6. Pork and prawn Cheong Fun at Ho Hung Kee
7. BBQ Pork & Duck Rice at Tai Hing 8. Wanton Noodle at Mak’s!
9. Way too hyped bowl of Ramen from Butao. Wayyy to rich. 10. Infamous Porkchop from Delicious Kitchen
10. Pierre Herme Macarons 11. Curry Fishballs. Street Food Rocks!!!
12. Sliced Pork in Black Bean Sauce noodles 13. Mango Napolean At Cova
14. Eggs Benny at Caffe Habitu 15. Rose Coffee at Caffe Habitu
I don’t have much to say about Bali in this second installment since I’ve gushed enough about the place in my last post so it will be just a barrage of pictures! Most of the pictures were taken when we went to Ayana Resort on afternoon..the traffic was horrendous so it was actually lat afternoon when we got there and didn’t really get a nice picture of the infamous Rock Bar. The place is AMAZING. If you’re ever in Bali check the place out..quite pricey drinks but I think it’s worth it!!